you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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