if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
