Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
