I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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