I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
