I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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