We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
