Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
