i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
