I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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