do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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