worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
