There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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