I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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