Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This is my gift to your gina
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
