does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
