come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
