Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
