Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
