first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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