either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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