she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
