I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
