dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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