yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
