i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
