Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
