So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
