my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
