I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
