thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize