I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
