Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
