I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
