We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
