there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Randomize
