i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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