It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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