Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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