I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
