piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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