official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
