I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
