Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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