Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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