Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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