I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
