its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
