Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
