are you still at the devil's house?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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