hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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