i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
