1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
