If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
