gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
