I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
