Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
