That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize