Whod you bang
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Randomize
