I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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