3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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