I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
soo... how was my night?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
