I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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