I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
