I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
