this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
