The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize