omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
