Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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