I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
