He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
