I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
kristin has been a bad kristin
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
