Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize