I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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