um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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