I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
