This is not my ceiling
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
