i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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