then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
