please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
