please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
