UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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