I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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