Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We got so high we made milksteak
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
