Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Randomize
