.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
