Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
