In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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