I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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