You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
