it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
