i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize