Someone shit on the floor
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
