Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
