There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
